While it’s a little early in the academic year to be broke and starving, make no mistake: poverty is just around the corner. Such is the lot of students (or, come to think of it, the unemployed, under employed, laid off and just plain skint.)

Enter the wonder of Pot Noodle. Even with 10 flavours (and seriously, Doner Kebab does not count – nobody can eat that) you’ll eventually get bored and want to posh-up your Pot.

• Pot Noodle Fu Yung: Empty veggie packet into cup and add boiling water. Do not add spice packet. Immediately crack in one egg; stir rapidly with a pencil. Let rest. Drain. (Drain carefully, ya pillock.) Add spice packet. Mix, eat.
• Pot Noodle Stir Fry: Save some very thinly sliced carrots and spring onions from your quarter crisply duck with pancakes from the night before. Open the Pot Noodle and slide out the noodles. Shove veggies into bottom of cup, add noodles back and prepare as normal.
• Revolting Pot Noodle: Prepare Pot Noodle as normal. Break up a handful of Doritos and toss them in just before the final stir. Also works with bacon crisps or Hula Hoops. Gross but nice.
• Posh Noodle: Add a few freeze-dried wild or Shitake mushrooms from the supermarket and a sprinkle a few unsalted cashew nuts or peanuts to the pot before dumping in the other packets and adding water.

There are nutritional bonuses to most of these recipes (protein, vegetables) except obviously the Doritos one, but basically they just break up the Pot Noodle monotony and make more cheap yum.

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